New Chemo Journal
For those who don't know, Jonathan died from surgical complications on December 4th, 2008. If anyone would like to know more about him, what he stood for, and what we are going to accomplish in his memory, please send me a note.
The following was written by Jonathan on August 17th, 2008:
Well, for everyone who doesn't know...I have cancer. Yeah, it sounds bad...it's Ok though...The grace of God can carry though this situation so much...anyway, I'm writing a daily journal to try and record my thoughts. I hope to also improve my writing style in the next few months...get in the habit of writing...I always wanted to be an author; I figured I could hone my skills God has given me to be a better writer...I'm going to make the most out of these next few months,
By the grace of God I will!
August 17th,
Wow! The grace of God is amazing! The most important mental of my battle of my life just took place in the last few hours and God has helped me conquer! One can not tell how joyful I am!
So some people may or may not know that I have cancer. I’m going through chemotherapy for the past week and it’s taking a physical toll on me. I really had no idea chemo was like this…it’s rso rough to have it happen to you instead of of just watching it happen to someone else…you know? It makes you empathize and care when you hear about that child with cancer in his head…or about that man who lived in the concentration camp…it’s just amazing how fragile I’ve realized I am…how small…
Some people tell you that you’re your own God. You’re NOT. And if I had found that out by getting this tumor, I think it would have mentally KILLED me inside.
Basically, I wanted to actually die last night. I lost all willpower to live. I’vjust realized that I’m so weak…that I have so little strength…and that enduring is not as easy as it sounds. I’ve read so many cases of suffering people in my books, but this is so different…so, so different. I’m glad it’s happening; it helps me see the pain in others more!
So then, last night…sitting there imagining my tumor growing…killing me…I felt all the rushes of a lifetime flowing past my mind…all the thoughts of my life…why I’m living…and I knew that God was giving me a chance to GROW…that I CAN have the peacefulness of God over all of this even if everything is like blackness….and I started telling myself over and over…
“I will have the serenity of God…I will have peacefulness which transcends understanding….I will live my life with PURPOSE, not for happiness,; I will use this as a time to GROW…” I just told myself OVER AND OVER. For hours. I’m still doing it and I’ve been doing it since 2or 3:00 AM…
So I have hope to live now. I can thrive in this life, and so can you! There’s an infinite God waiting for ever everyone who seeks Him! It’s His strength!
Be thankful for everything you have; we don’t realize how blessed we are until we lose it!
Love y’all; please listen to what I have to say!
~Jonathan
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lol wut?
(≧ω≦ ) (￣□￣ ) (゜д゜; ) (=゜ω゜ ) ( ^▽^ ) (。・_・。 )
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If you don't believe it's raining, I won't tell you that it's raining, do you not believe it's raining just because it gets you down?
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★MORNING GREEN★
( ･｀ω･ )ゞ 我的中文很不好. ◕ ◡ ◕"'
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But God will take good care of you now. Bless.
~Silver
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